Good friends are priceless. I have been struggling lately and I just didn't know what was going on. A friend walked with me the other day and we just talked. And we vented. And we got some things off our chests. It felt really good and I realized some of what my problem was. See, I was (and still am a little) struggling with vanity. And to compensate for feeling so bad about feeling this way, I was eating lots more junk than I have in the past 7 months. I was self-destructing because I thought I was a horrible person for enjoying seeing my reflection in the mirror. The person on the other side looks nice. I'm not sure if I have ever felt that way. I guess after having been so overweight and hating what looked at me in the mirror, the reflection I now see has so much more appeal. I thought it was a severe case of vanity because I caught myself looking in the mirror every time I went past. After talking with my friend, I came to realize that what I thought was vanity, really wasn't. I think it's alright to like the way you look. I do. And that is OK. It's ok to like the way I look. It's ok to want to see myself in the mirror. And it's ok to want to have my picture taken once in a while. (After years of avoiding a camera, it feels strange) I still feel a little wierd about it, but I am coming to terms with my new look and I am not going to let it get me down. I am not going to stuff my face with cookies to try to sabatoge myself anymore. I am going to lose these last 14 lbs. I can't wait to celebrate this success.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
The walk
Last Saturday I made it 3/4 of a mile! You read that right 3/4 of a mile. I know, my normal walk is about 6 or 7 miles, so why is this little distance so significant? Well, it's because I was carrying an extra 80 lbs. I was attempting to carry all the weight I have lost. I say attempting because my goal was to make it the whole 4 or 5 miles with it, but I did make it a good distance and I am still proud of myself.
It was certainly an eye-opening experience. Just loading up the backpacks was shocking. I found two 22lb dumbell wieghts that I put in a backpack. When I zipped it up and tried to get it on my back, I couldn't even put it on. I had to have help. So, I decided to put them in separate backpacks and carry one around the front and the other on my back. Once I had figured out the legistics, I thought I was ready enough.
I woke up at 5:00 am (way too early for any human to be awake), and starting loading myself down. I wrapped beach towels around each of the weights in the backpacks to keep them from hitting me as I walked. I put on backpack #1. Then I put on backpack #2. Then I took off backpack #2 and then backpack #1. With them on I couldn't put on the ankle weights that I had. So.... I put on the ankle weights (4 lbs a piece) and put the backpacks back on. Then I grabbed my handweights (10 lbs a piece). Once I got all this on, I wasn't quite sure I had enough weight, so I hopped on the scale to check it out. 251 lbs. Wow, never thought I would see that number again. So, I grabbed my water bottle, oops, couldn't carry that and the handweights, so I left the water bottle and headed out the door.
As I got started I began to appreciate the fact that we began so stinking early in the morning. It was still dark, and so no one was able to see me in this ridiculous get-up. I do kind of wish I had a picture to share with you, but just trust me, it was quite amusing.
There were two others who decided to carry their weight with them. They had about 25 and 45 lbs to carry, so not quite as bad. (Awesome, isn't it) So, our walking plan was to make a large figure eight from our starting point so that we had the option of dropping weight if we needed to. I had to drop my handweights before we made it back to the starting point because the pressure on my shoulders was just too much for me. That was the 3/4 mile mark. Then, maybe less than 1/4 of a mile later, I was able to drop my front backpack. I probably could have carried the weight if it had been distributed a little better, but the strain on my shoulders was just too much. So, I carried the other backpack and the ankle weights for a while longer, but then when I finally shed it all, it was so freeing!
I am so glad to be free of that bond! It feels great to know that the hard work that I have put in over the past 6 months has been such a success and I have been able to shed so much weight. It comes off so slowly, that at times I wondered if it was really making a difference, but now I see. It has!
It was certainly an eye-opening experience. Just loading up the backpacks was shocking. I found two 22lb dumbell wieghts that I put in a backpack. When I zipped it up and tried to get it on my back, I couldn't even put it on. I had to have help. So, I decided to put them in separate backpacks and carry one around the front and the other on my back. Once I had figured out the legistics, I thought I was ready enough.
I woke up at 5:00 am (way too early for any human to be awake), and starting loading myself down. I wrapped beach towels around each of the weights in the backpacks to keep them from hitting me as I walked. I put on backpack #1. Then I put on backpack #2. Then I took off backpack #2 and then backpack #1. With them on I couldn't put on the ankle weights that I had. So.... I put on the ankle weights (4 lbs a piece) and put the backpacks back on. Then I grabbed my handweights (10 lbs a piece). Once I got all this on, I wasn't quite sure I had enough weight, so I hopped on the scale to check it out. 251 lbs. Wow, never thought I would see that number again. So, I grabbed my water bottle, oops, couldn't carry that and the handweights, so I left the water bottle and headed out the door.
As I got started I began to appreciate the fact that we began so stinking early in the morning. It was still dark, and so no one was able to see me in this ridiculous get-up. I do kind of wish I had a picture to share with you, but just trust me, it was quite amusing.
There were two others who decided to carry their weight with them. They had about 25 and 45 lbs to carry, so not quite as bad. (Awesome, isn't it) So, our walking plan was to make a large figure eight from our starting point so that we had the option of dropping weight if we needed to. I had to drop my handweights before we made it back to the starting point because the pressure on my shoulders was just too much for me. That was the 3/4 mile mark. Then, maybe less than 1/4 of a mile later, I was able to drop my front backpack. I probably could have carried the weight if it had been distributed a little better, but the strain on my shoulders was just too much. So, I carried the other backpack and the ankle weights for a while longer, but then when I finally shed it all, it was so freeing!
I am so glad to be free of that bond! It feels great to know that the hard work that I have put in over the past 6 months has been such a success and I have been able to shed so much weight. It comes off so slowly, that at times I wondered if it was really making a difference, but now I see. It has!
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